Tim

What can I say? I am the proud mother of this amazing young man and I am dying inside when I think about how he will be 18 in one week and then we will be dropping him off at college in a few months. You never think the day will ACTUALLY get here, but it did. I know this sounds corny but I can still feel what it is like to hold him on my hip and kiss his then super round and soft cheek. He was always kind of a quiet one, but by no means unoccupied. We told him to consider his mind "busy" instead of bad because of all the times he had to put his head down on the desk in kindergaren. He didn't come back to school until 8th grade and I had a wonderful 8 years trying to keep that busy mind engaged, focused and learning.

Tonight I drove by San Pasqual HIgh School and I thought of what I do every time I drive by. Ben's mother went to be with the Lord 20 years ago, but the year before that she invited me to come see her in a karate competition in that gym. I didn't go because I didn't have the $10 needed for a ticket and I wasn't about to tell her that. Why have I been thinking about that for the past 20 years when I drive by that school?

It must be because you just don't get the moments back, period. That means that every day, every moment, every place you find yourself in has significance in some way. I'm not afraid right now, but I'm well aware that I have some very important things to take care of  and they can't wait or else they will gobble up moments I don't want lose. This puts me in an interesting frame of mind all day. It makes me face mortality head on in a way I never have before.  It's so cliche to say, "How will I spend the moments I have left on this earth?", but it actually feels different when you are where I am.

What I've always known , and still do, is that people are the most important priority, and the most important ones are those who are closest to you, your family. For me that means Ben is priority number one, and then the three cherubs. I've poured my life into spending time with them and I have not one regret in that regard. I have plenty of regrets about my inability to love them better than I have.  I want to pray for them more, exercise more patience, appreciate their uniqueness better,  and celebrate life with them more rather than just get it done.  I want to treasure the moments better.