Kids Leaving You For School
Maybe you've been through it, are thinking about it as a future event sure to come, or you have memories of doing it yourself. It feels like my son is going to start running, get up some speed, and then jump....I can't breathe. In a rare moment this morning I found myself alone in the house for a period of time. I courageously picked my way into his room and found a place on the floor with the dresser behind my back and looked. I hadn't noticed how museum-like his decor was...trophies from childhood karate on a dusty shelf in the corner, Pop Warner team photo on the bulletin board next to 8th grade lacrosse team photo, a framed picture of his only high school year of football behind me, and a bulging pile of medals hanging precariously and unceremoniously from the neck of a well anchored trophy. Since he gave them all up to wrestle all through high school I thought he would have put them away a long time ago...go figure.
"Lord, how do I pray for this boy? How many things await him out there, on his own. Faith has to be fed...will he starve or eat? Will he overdose at the cafeteria soft ice cream machine, will he find the right kind of friends, will he say no enough times? I decided to flip the bible open and let my eyes focus on the verses that happened to be there (Jeremiah 35:5) to get started.."Then I set before the men of the house of the Rechobites pitchers full of wine and cups, and I said to them 'Drink wine!'" Oh lovely. As the story goes, the Lord wanted Jeremiah to see what these men would do, and they wouldn't drink a drop! Why? Because their deceased patriarch had sternly instructed them not to drink wine, build homes, or plant vineyards, but to live only in tents, and they faithfully did so. "Jeremiah, go ask my children why they will not do what I command them to do even though I tell them over and over and over, yet the children of this man Rechab obey him completely?"
As followers our job is to walk in faith. I never knew there were levels to this. I thought faith was faith and not was not, but as time goes by I'm finding that there is great faith and little faith, full faith and partial faith. From experience, sorrow, frustration, disillusionment, hopelessness, confusion, I'm seeing just how detrimental partial faith can be. Partial faith doesn't build a house maybe but it puts up a barn. Partial faith might trust for some things, but not for all. Partial faith relies on personal strength still with some sweet faith mixed in to make it all feel right. It's a warrior using a shield so small that it leaves body parts exposed and vulnerable.
Partial faith feels like there is a foundation but still worries. It looks for the gray areas which will allow the flesh to follow its inclinations without relinquishing its standing in the public square. It doesn't even realize how partial it is and fancies it is doing quite well, despite the inner turmoil. It's really a miserable place to be because it doesn't belong anywhere, its a fragment of two worlds grating against each other. No faith might find a feel good antidote, while partial faith suffers the load alone and longs for peace.
Will my son have a full shield of faith? Forget him, what about me? God was awfully pleased with the uncompromising obedience of the Rechobites and He promised them an eternal posterity of faith for their descendants because of it. As for His own faithless children, their punishment was excruciating and it broke His righteous but loving heart.
I got my answer, I know how to pray. "Lord, may he have the heart of a Rechobite. May all that has been poured into him flow out as a river of living water. May his faith protect him from the coming onslaught of life changing decisions. Deliver him from mediocrity, from just a glass of wine, from building houses where he was told to only pass through in a tent. Weave him together with other Rechobites into an unbreakable barrier against pride, self sufficiency and compromise. When he jumps off those KLYFS may he spread his wings of faith and fly.
So what does this have to do with cancer? I'm finding that full shield for cancer, but I am having to focus more on being ready to fight with a full shield for other things. But in ALL things, (as you know if you have been following), I want to abide in Him, and today I felt like He really helped me to do that through His word. Thank you Lord for letting me hear Your voice in Your word.
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