Monday, August 19, 2013
The Comfort of Knowing
Last Saturday they were driving together, wrapped up tight in the enormous white SUV with shiny chrome wheels and black and white tiger striped seat covers, just happy to be together and enjoying the mountain drive. With head snuggled comfortably into her pillow against the window, she asks her mother what she thinks about the possible meaning of words in Atmosphere's latest rap streaming into her hears on headphones, while mom isn't thinking about much at all except noticing the curve that the top of the hills make against the skyline left in a blur behind them. It's peaceful in the car, it's so good to be with someone you love, its a beautiful day.
How much fear can you feel in a second, or part of one? Order turns to chaos, ears assaulted by hellish vibrations, mother screams herself awake and the windshield splinters into an electrical storm right in front of their faces. The world outside begins to spin, tires against asphalt make a piercing crescendo, daughter wails from deep in her gut, can't breathe, can't see. Peaceful quiet becomes the quiet of death. Shock keeps them numb, the mind trying to catch up to the change in reality, pinned where they are and unable to move except to blink their eyes and listen to the sounds of air escaping from pressure.
When I saw the two blond women they had already been rescued from their car and were sitting in the back of a huge, red fire and rescue truck on the shoulder of the road with yellow coated rescue workers hovering nearby. Shock, fear, and confusion showed on their faces and in their bodies. Thirty yards down a gold colored minivan, unharmed and parked parallel to the road caused our eyebrows to curl...were they just rescued from an adventure gone wrong down below, or did one of the cars in an accident come through unscathed? No one in our car was mentally prepared for the large brown bear who became the next installment of the disaster, sprawled I think where he landed from a cruise through the air, body straddling the guard rail, paws flung wide and big furry head bowed to the ground. The shattered SUV came next, and then it was over. "Oh the poor bear" we all said in one way or another, but our own shock brought quiet to our car too while we tried to sort out the 5 second tragedy we had just seen unfold on the roadside.
Hitting a bear must have been more of a shock for those poor women than seeing it dead on the side of the road was for us, but either one is a completely unexpected head shaker none the less. Hitting something is rarely or ever premeditated, it just happens when your mind is thinking the regular things it always does. A doctor telling you over the phone to sit down before he gives you her news is one of those hits. If you haven't had one yet you are probably young, but I can guarantee that your own will indeed come just as surely as death and taxes will. But the answer is not to sit frozen in fear because that stops no train.
The bible, as always, has something to say about how to get ready for this uncertainty. It meets the uncertain future with the unchangeable, all powerful, all knowing, and all loving Creator of all we CAN see and are certain of. "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth..." because what follows is the gradual breakdown of the body into old age when hands tremble, appetite wanes and and eyes and ears are turned to the lowest setting. "Remember your Creator before the silver cord is loosed, or the golden bowl is broken, or the pitcher shattered at the fountain...". In other words, before it all happens, before the unknown hits your windshield on a sunny day, before the heartache comes, know your Maker.
If you wait until you are in a state of shock, that getting to know Him part will most likely be put on hold until sometime when you can think straight again, and then how will you know where to find His strong hand to hold on to in the moment of your crisis? Sounds childlike maybe, but tragedy strips away our adult-like sophistication and leaves us with more child-like humility. I can say from experience, and not only this last go around, that He is a strong tower and a strong comfort in the greatest time of need. I can't imagine facing things in the past, or the things I know are still unknown to me and yet to come, without His strength, His promises, or His wisdom.
I've been trying to get to know Him since I understood His love for me when I was thirteen. Its almost the easiest thing in the world to do, yet you may also find it extremely difficult at the same time. We have the tangible world to speak of Him as it reflects His nature in its glory, but even easier to understand is His word, the bible. It's really that simple. I meditate on his word to know Him, and here is one ultra simple way to do it.
1) Choose a book of the bible to read. Decide how much time you have to get to know your Creator each day and spend half of that time reading from the book you chose. A book marker is a must!
2) For the second half of your time each day, pick one verse that caught your attention or curiosity and copy it down on paper (or laptop). Then go through the verse phrase by phrase and rewrite it in your own words, trying not to use any of the same words you copied from the bible.
3) Sit back in your past few minutes and think about what you just wrote down. Answer one of these two questions, "What did I learn about my Creator's personality?" or "What example or direction does this give me to follow?" Then talk to Him about that very thing and how it can become a part of your life that day, in addition to anything and everything else you want to talk to Him about.
Before the brown bear hits or the golden bowl breaks, know your Creator! When you are hurting or in shock you only want to be comforted by those you already know really well. He really does love us, and we need Him very much for the unexpected things in life that come along.
I have my last infusion a week from this Wednesday. This past one was a bit harder than the others so I'm getting mentally ready for the same or more. But following that my hair can start to keep records of my life again and that is something I am looking forward to; new hair, new understanding, a changed heart, a new beginning. I'll have a few weeks afterwards to recover and then start on six weeks of radiation therapy...and then its over. In case you are wondering about the picture, they are piles of some things that were sent to help me along the way, like strong shoes on a rocky road. Thank you so much again for helping me through this with all of your love and prayers...I will never forget.
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We love you, Molly! You are such a trooper. God's grace is infusing your life with His strength.
ReplyDeleteThanks Cathy. I cannot believe you see me as a trooper as that is your middle name...I am honored!
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